Tales From the Wastes
by Sinister Kelp
Summary: Random one-shots following various characters from Fallout. Warning, some random non-sense. :D Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: Fallout: New Vargas

_Tales From the Wastes_

A/N: This story is a collection of random parodies, tales, and short-stories following various characters throughout the Capitol Wasteland. Some of these will make absolutely no sense, and are probably not possible in the Fallout universe, some will though. So enjoy, and reader beware! Lol.

Chapter 1: Fallout: New Vargas

Paladin Tristan, Sentinel Lyons, and the Lone Wanderer were all sitting around the table in the Den in the A-ring of the Citadel. Fawkes was standing behind them grunting to himself, and Dogmeat was randomly barking at something in the other room. Paladin Tristan was drinking a bottle of Aqua Pura. Just then, Knight Artemis ran in to the Den panting like crazy.

"Huff...huff....hey'd you guys see Paladin Vargas.....yet?" He said trying to catch his breathe.

Sentinel Lyons looked up and said. "No, why?"

Just then Paladin Vargas walked in. 'He' wasn't exactly himself. The Lone Wanderer's eyes widened in shock, Sentinel Lyons' eyes about popped right out of her head, and Paladin Tristan almost choked on his Aqua Pura. Fawkes stared at Vargas in confusion and Dogmeat started barking at 'him'.

"Hi guys!" Paladin Vargas said in a much more feminine voice. Paladin Vargas wasn't exactly...'masculine' anymore.

Sentinel Lyons took a deep breathe and asked "Vargas....is that you..? If so....what the HELL did you do to yourself!"

Paladin Vargas giggled lightly. "I found this master surgeon in Rivet City...named Pinkerton..Pokerton? Something like that. Anyway, I asked him to perform a gender change on me. You like?" He\She said.

Sentinel Lyons smacked herself in the forehead. "Why me..?" She asked herself shaking her head.

Fawkes turned to the Lone Wanderer. "I...don't get it. What happened?" Fawkes asked.

"You don't want to, Fawkes." the Lone Wanderer said.

End! Random right? Most of them are. Lol.


	2. Chapter 2: Tenpenny Power

_Tales From the Wastes  
_  
A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed! Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Tenpenny Power!

Alistair Tenpenny awoke from his bed in his penthouse suite in Tenpenny Tower. He stood up, still in his fancy pre-war pajamas, and strode outside of his room out onto the balcony that overlooked the Capitol Wasteland. when he stepped out, he heard a buzzing roar of applause from the audience below, which consisted of wastelanders, raiders, slavers, Megaton, Rivet City, and Canterbury Commons residents, and to his surprise, Brotherhood of Steel soldiers.

As he stepped out onto the balcony, the dull-roar quickly grew into jubilant chants and cheers. Alistair just smiled. Then he noticed amongst the middle of the large crowd stood 'a certain Lone Wanderer' bound by ropes and beside him stood a Brotherhood of Steel knight with an axe, ready to perform an execution whenever he was ordered.

Then Alistair looked below him to see dozens of ghouls with shock-collars around their necks being used as servants and slaves to the occasion. They were being ordered around by non-other than his own most trusted guards who patrolled the Tower on a daily basis. He smirked evilly. then he looked to his right and saw his dear old friend, Mister Burke.

"Good morning, master!" He greeted. Alistair grinned even more evilly yet.

And then, as if things couldn't get any better, in Tenpenny's case anyway, a faint chopping noise could be heard on the horizon and the wind began to pick up a little bit as an Enclave heli-bird dropping a few yards away from the massive crowd. A man who was supposedly dead, who Alistair was sure his name was Colonel Autumn, stepped out of the Copter and made his way up to Tenpenny's balcony.

The man then stood out to face the crowd and cleared his throat. "Welcome, Ladies and Gentleman, Civilians, I should say, of the Wasteland!" He spoke in a laid-back, moderately accented voice. "We are gathered here, on this fine morning to crown this man...the new Enclave President and the one true Ruler of the Wasteland!" He said motioning towards Tenpenny.

The crowd went crazy as Tenpenny smirked even more evilly yet. Autumn turned to one of his soldiers who held a crown on top of a grimy pillow, and he grabbed the crown and gently placed atop Tenpenny's wrinkley-old head.

"Ladies and Gentleman...you're new ruler! Autumn said as the crowd went even crazier, and then as if that wasn't enough, caps rained from the sky making Tenpenny smirk even more.

* * *

Alistair Tenpenny woke with a start. He looked around. He was sitting in his bedroom in his penthouse suite. Hopeful, Alistair sprung from his bed in the same pre-war pajamas and ran to his balcony. He looked out over it to a barren wasteland.

no crowd, no ghoul-slaves, no Enclave announcing he was the new Ruler of the Wasteland, no Lone Wanderer about to be put to death, and no caps raining from the sky. It had all been a dream. Alistair Tenpenny sighed and sat down in his chair looking out over the barren wasteland.

End! Thanks for reading~! Review if you wish.


	3. Chapter 3: Dogmeat the Pimp

_Tales From the Wastes_

A/N: This parody is based on the fact...Dogmeat has an unlimited number of puppies! It's like, omg Dogmeat, take it easy! Lol! I'm jk. Anyway, enjoy.

Chapter 3: Dogmeat the Pimp

The Lone Wanderer had absolutely no idea where he was. He was wandering through a flashy-looking building. he then stopped suddenly and turned around when he saw a clusters of shadows on the wall. Then he saw Dogmeat, only he was sitting like a human and had at least a dozen female dogs surrounding him.

"...Dogmeat?" The Lone Wanderer said unsure of whether this was really his companion or not.

"Damn straight, Biiiotch!" Dogmeat said.

The Lone Wanderer's eyes widened in shock upon hearing Dogmeat talk. "Dogmeat...did you just...?" He asked.

"Damn straight I talked, Biiiotch!" dogmeat said. " 'Dis 'mah pad! 'Dese 'mah hoes!-" Dogmeat began pointing from the walls of the flashy building to the female dogs surrounding him.

Just then, one of the female dogs grabbed his paw with hers, if that's even possible, and put them to her stomach. " ...And these, baby, these are your puppies!" She said.

"Yeah!" The rest of the female dogs said pointing to their own respective stomachs.

"Oh Shiiiiiit!" Dogmeat said.

* * *

"Ahh!" The Lone Wanderer yelled out coming back into consciousness. He looked around. He was inside of Vault 106, he'd obviously slipped into some sort of hallucination due to the gas leak. He stood up and noticed Dogmeat standing next to him.

"Dogmeat, you're not a pimp, and you can't talk!" The Lone Wanderer yelled at suddenly at the dog.

The dog just cocked his head to the side and stared at him.

The Lone Wanderer sighed. "C'mon boy, let;s get out of this place...it's really starting to get to me..." He said walking down the hallway and Dogmeat faithfully following. Just then Dogmeat turned his head around and grinned randomly as if there were an audience.

End! Lol thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4: Super Nova!

_Tales From the Wastes_

More random nonsense! Enjoy! :D

Chapter 4: Super Nova!

A tumble weed rolled down an abandoned street. Just then, a man clad in some sort of strange robot-like costume stepped onto the street. He was followed by an assortment of robots: Robo-Brains, Protectrons, Mister Gutsy's, and even a few Sentry Bots. Then on the opposite side of the Street, a woman wearing a strange ant-like costume walked up followed by multiple mutated-mega-sized-ants.

"Stop you villainous woman! I am the Mechanist, protector of this town!" The man clad in the robot-like costume yelled out.

"Ha! Protector my left antennae!" The woman in the ant-like costume yelled out.

"Hey! Both of you! Quit your yelling!" A third 'super hero' yelled out.

Both the Mechanist and the AntAgonizer stared in the direction of the new 'super hero'.

She was clad in black outfit with red stripes in random places on it. She also wore a red cape and a black mask that went all the way around her head. She had pale red hair that was slick up in spikes.

"I am Super Nova! The best Super Hero in the Wasteland!" She yelled out and sent out her army of 'Glowing ones'. "I harness the power of light! So these Glowing Ones are my warriors because of their light!" The Glowing Ones, Robots, and Giant Ants all got into a massive fight in the middle of the Canterbury Commons street.

At the end of it all, all of the robots, ants, and Glowing Ones were dead and the three 'super heroes' each grumbled and ran off in different directions.

* * *

Nova woke with a start. She looked around. She was inside one of the rooms in Moriarty's Saloon. She sighed. "God...I've gotta stop taking so much Jet..." she shook her head and got up to begin the day.

End! Hope you guys enjoyed.


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